Today I’m going to talk about socks, and I’m going to share all about why they’re my third true love. I would call them my first true love, but it was recently pointed out to my human that she is my first and second true love. I mean, she’s the best, so how can she not be?
Anyway, socks! Who doesn’t love a good pair of socks? There’s something about a sock that lights my brain on fire. I see a sock and I can’t help it, I just have to have it right then and there. It doesn’t matter what color, what size, or even if it’s dirty. In fact, dirty socks are the best! Mmm, they just smell so amazing. It reminds me of my human.
I’ve come to love socks so much that I have become quite adept at figuring out how to get a hold of them. I even started trying to snag socks as my human is putting them on. I figure I’m helping because I’m saving her from having to take them off and give them to me later. Just trying to be efficient here.
At the end of the day I often notice that when people take socks off they keep them in their hands until they put them behind a door that soon gets closed. I don’t know about you, but that just doesn’t seem fair. So basically, I’ve learned how to keep a low profile so I can sneak into the closet when no one is watching. I typically wait until people are getting ready in the morning before I make my move. I casually walk around, give my human some love, and then I act like I’m sniffing nothing in particular.
Finally someone will let their guard down and before you know it I’m in. I make sure to go straight to the laundry basket because that’s where the best ones are. Often times I’ll dig around a bit and then grab at least two. The second one is usually a backup that I can drop somewhere. This is key when my human realizes I have the first – sometimes they won’t notice the second right away.
After I have the sock I go straight to the couch or the rug. That’s the best place you can be when it comes to sock chewing. I know I’ve got a few minutes until someone notices so I have to make most of my time. I have to try and conquer the sock as best as possible, so that means I toss it in the air a few times and then step on it and yank with my teeth. Man, socks are the best. The feeling of the material being stretched, what a glorious thing.
After a few minutes I see out the corner of my eye that someone is onto my game. Before anyone can tell me “NO!” I make sure to run the sock over to them like that was my plan all along. My human takes the sock and I know she must be so proud of me for “finding” it for her. I make sure to rub against her legs and tell her she’s the best, after all, she can’t know that I’ve got a stash of them somewhere in the house. And I’m not telling anyone where that is. Even you.